Ini Aku

"I'm not a good Muslimah but I'm trying to be one and I want you to try with me too"

Wednesday, 22 January 2014


" you may not be her first, her last, or her only
she loved before she may love again
but if she loves you now, what else matters?
She's not perfect, you aren't either
and the two of you may never be perfect together
but she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice,
and admit to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto her and give her the most you can.
She may not be thinking about you
every second of the day,
but she will give you a part of her
that she knows you can break her heart.
So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyse
and don't expect more than she can give.
Smile when she makes you happy,
let her know when she makes you mad,
and miss her when she's not there "

Bob Marley :)

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

mood : rindu

small in size but huge in memories :')

kalau dh cuti pnjg2 sgt mesti bosan kan ? plus ma x kasi kerjaaaaa . huhu . so dlm duk diam2 kebosanan kat rmh tu , mulalah tangan ni belek balik gmbr2 zaman muda-mudi dulu ecececehh , belek2 majalah maktab , usha album lama . and i miss every moment i have there , in MRSM Kuantan :')
sungguh , bumi kuantan ini banyak mengajar aq erti kehidupan , erti persahabatan , erti kasih sayang dan bermacam-macam lagi yang menjadikan aq seorang insan . terlalu banyak utk diluahkan . 

so , firstly , i would like to start reminiscing memories pasal my superb batch , SUZURAN :)

136 of Suzuranians

"my batch is my family" , kata adib . well , indeed i've learned about the real meaning of friendship with them . going through ups and downs together . so much lessons learnt being a part of this family . macam2 dugaan yg batch kami hadapi , but in the end , all hardships yg diketuk kuat di atas kepala masing2 create a very strong bond between us . especially masa kem jati diri , tahap jiwa kena kental tu perghhh xyah cakap ah . tiap hari nangis kena psycho . psycho level tinggi giler bahh ! hoho . tapi memang bersyukur sgt dgn ujian2 tu semua masa kem (thanks to cg syahmi , ustz redhu , ustz annas n all teachers yg terlibat) , erti persahabatan sebenar terungkai :)
masing2 punya perangai yg unik , yg tersendiri . xde sorang pon sama . but the differences make uolls so special in my heart . masa aq tgh down , ade je org yg tlg kasi up . masa aq tgh sedih , ade yg tlg menceriakan . masa aq tgh keliru , ade yg tlg meleraikan kekusutan . masa aq buntu , ade yg menunjuk jalan . masa aq sakit , ade yg tlg ubatkan . masa aq sendirian , ade yg tlg temankan . masa aq jatuh , ade yg tlg angkatkan . masa aq sepi , ade yg tlg hiburkan . each of u is very significant for me in my 2 years life kat maktab . i would like to say thank you for everything ! ^_^

mse ni buat video utk ayahanda

well , now everyone has different path . kita dh x belajar sebumbung lagi . x tinggal sepagar lagi . x bersama senegeri pon . ade yang study kat nun utara sana , belah barat pon byk , area pantai timur pon ada , sampai sarawak pon bolehhh . however , wherever kalian berada skrg , i'm really hoping that each of us akn berjaya in life , dlm bidang masing2 . don't forget every tarbiyah that we got dkt mktb . jadi insan yg berguna . jadi hamba yg taat . jadi anak yg soleh & solehah . jadi individu yang bermanfaat terhadap org lain . apapun dugaan yg kita akn hadapi pada masa akn datang , don't ever lose faith in HIM . keep on praying because He won't test us with anything that we can't bear right ?


now , move on to my awesome classmates pulak . 5B Crew !
photo shot class

haa ni lah kelas yg plg byk kerenah , yg paling unik perangai tiap ahli nya . dlm kelas ni kita ada setiausaha BWP , vice presiden LDP , deputy presiden BADAR , vice president BADAR , vice president EMC , bendahari LDP setiausaha LDP , ketua batch (even sekejap) , n mcm2 lagi . maunye x busy ye bdk2 kls ni kalau dh jawatan mcm2 adaaaa (bunyi mcm iklan astro cket) . sampaikan hampir semua cikgu tegur "kelas kamu ni x pernah nk cukup ahlinya dlm kelas waktu cg mengajar" . haaa nampak x ke-busy-an ahlinya . hoho . dlm kelas ni jgk ada mcm2 penyakit . gehh . bab pengsan tu dh biasa dh . aherherher . wheelchair n stretcher tu memg milik kelas kami pon . agagaga . joking . 

ni mse day-out for bio class . tgk hidupan paya bakau :)
azmi memg gile mcm tu --"

kalau nk describe setiap ahli kelas kat sini , hmm boleh habis bateri laptop aq nnti . ngeh . amir dgn gelaknya yg menggila . zairi yg 'vogue' sentiasa . rafiq yg pendiam sepanjang masa . aiman dgn lagu versi mute nya (kne cc as ni :p) . daoh yg 'bekeng' . azmi tido setiap masa -,- . tweety dan kisah taufiq nya . kak long ayu n impian isteri mithali berpisah tiada . nik yg mcm chipsmore (hehee busy mksudnya) . pipah pelawak antarabangsa xD . kakak comeyyy rajin gila . yusrinaa famous yg dibahan cg syahmi sentiasa . nadee cantik dan botol air 'Dare to be Different' nye . ecah si penjual kerepek x sedar diri takut tikus duk ejek aq takut katak :p . syasya yang sgt pink dan manja . as dan sifat keibuan yg sgt tggi dlm dirinya . hannah the storyteller . padee yang berwibawa . que dan panggilan 'sayang' nye dkt semua org . nina mushasha yg putih kemerah-merahan . farahin yg berahsia . semua memg sgt different ! n i love them sooooooooooooo much ! 

before outing sambut bday trios : ecah , tweety n rafiq !


okay masuk kisah homeroom a.k.a family kedua aq kat sini , homeroom H ! yg terdiri daripada manusia2 berperut naga :3  homeroom kami paling awesome oh yeahh sbb menang homeroom terbaik of the year n champion masa suzuran camp :p
dan semestinya ke-awesome-an itu takkan ada jika penasihat nye x amazing jgk kan ? yeahhh we have the most sporting cg homeroom merangkap warden mktb yang masih bujang (yakni senang lah nk buat apa2 aktiviti bersama) , Cikgu Meor !!

haaa , awesome kan cg meor yg kat tgh tu ? :D

beliau adalah ketua prank yg keji2 kat mktb lol . kalau kat intec tu , blh lah geng dgn Mr.Kesh . haha . prank2 yg dirancang mesti ada telur , tepung , serbuk2 lain yg eeuuuuwwwwwww ! n mesti ada celebration utk setiap birthday ahli homeroom . parapapapa , i'm lovin' it xD 
well , aq pnye bday memg kne kaw2 ah mse form 5 dulu . mula2 tu kononnya mcm xde prank , smbut dgn makan2 je kat lab computer (tmpt lepak homeroom) . cake secret recipe tu memg tradisi :p . dh la mse tu dh hbis prep . xde org lah kat BA . mse otw balik asrama tu lah aq 'diserang' . jet2 nk ambik gmbr kat laman geog tu , plan baikkk punya si azmi n cg ni nk kasi aq statik supaya x sedar ade prank . dlm berhati-hati aq mlm tu pon kne jugakkk simbah dgn air campuran kunyit+kari+serbuk sup apebende ntah lagi . pekat likat melekat jgn cakap ah . yg thorbaik nya aq pakai tudung putih mlm tu . so hasilnyaaaa : 

nampak tak betapa kuningnya tudung ituu ??!! haa keji tak homeroom i ? haha . but after all , i have to say that they are the best family kedua everrrr !! really miss the moments that we had together kat rmh cikgu , masak sama2 , tgk movie tgh2 mlm kat lab computer , sambut birthdays , pranks and everything !

before kne prank . tudung tgh suci putih bersih lagi . lol

muka2 bakal champion explorace kem suzuran xP
ni lah sayang2 adik beradik saya ;)

esoknye paper bio so aq tayang lah buku bio tinggi2

homeroom n kelas dah , skrg lovely roommates pulak . yay yayy . ni my sayangs forever niii , ahli2 bilik E3 <3
lemme introduce sensorang dulu yeeee . we have syafi from pasir puteh , kelate . jyah from besut , ganung . ain from temerloh, pahang tpi tinggal kat johor . aina from johor tapi tinggal kat pahang . and not to forget my sayang roommate mse form 4 n compoundmate mse form 5 , nina from kayy ell . 5 of us (except nina) semuanya ahli BADAR (badan dakwah dan kerohanian) . ecececeh jet2 baik gitu . actually memg baik pon . haha . mereka lah , aq sorang je ada pengecualian cket . gehh . semua penyayang roommate i ni . comey2 belaka . baik tu xyah cakap ah , sangaaaatttttt ! hihi . nk tgk wajah mereka ? tadaaaa !

ok mind my gedik pose -,-  yg berdiri tgh tu syafi , tepi syafi yg tudung putih tu ain , yg duduk tudung itam tu aina , tepi aina tu jyah :)

aina tu kami panggil tiz zaqyah sbb dye sukaaaa sgt berlakon dlm bilik n muka dye ade iras tiz . kan ? ke x ? ehehe . ain ni perahsia org nye . hihi . she's soooooo nice n sgt lemah lmbut . terror hoki ni , jgn main2 . sekali libas kayu hoki tu , perghhh . syafi ni suka menyanyi . geh geh . haha . syafi ni over sbnrnye . dye pnye respon kalau ada pape memg over :p . jyah pulak kte panggil cik tun , sbb perangai dye mcm kartun . haha special x semua ? n i miss them damn much . 
gmbr2 yg akan menyusul nnti byk lah cket sbb kami roommies memg suka ambik gmbr byk2 , ni pon cket je yg di upload :p
kami awesome kami tau :p

before pegi morning call pon sempat snap

i lost my name tag yg dkt tudung tu T.T

dinner batch :) oh btw yg dua kat blkg tu bkn roommates . haha

dh hbis spm kan , happy lah tu 

oh btw , dlm gmbr tu ade arwah alia (belakang saya) yg telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada raya ke-4 tahun lepas . batch kami kehilangan seorang insan yg sgt baik n tiada cacat cela di mata aq . al-fatihah .

another pic with arwah (second from right). taken a day after paper bio yakni pagi before paper akaun

rooftop lagi . beberapa saat sebelum berlari turun tangga sbb kantoi dgn pak guard :p

okay this made me cried (terharu)

yg awesome nya mse form 5 , aq smbut bday 3 kali sehari . lol . dpt 3 biji kek for my 17th birthday :)) one from homeroom , one from roommates n one from lovely ma . before dpt cake from roommates ni kne prank dulu tau . dh la balik bilik dlm keadaan tudung disimbah kunyit n berbau hanyir telur (lepas kne prank homeroom) . kne 'pulau' dgn diorang sbb bau busuk n x kasi masuk bilik . mereka suruh aq mandi dkt paip kat luar je . kejam much ! nak nangis dh mse tu . haha . then mase tgh mandi dlm shower tibe2 blackout (yang dirancang) . gelap giler x nmpk apa . then nina datang buat innocent tlg suluh guna phone . keluar je bathroom dpt kek sebijik diterangi cahaya lilin atas kek je mse tu sbb gelap . haaa sweet x roommates aq ni ? okay i sayang n rindu semuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :')


last but not least , on top of all , family rehlah . family usrah terbaik yg aq dapat . 
"antara formula utk mengenali seseorang , engkau dianjurkan bermusafir dengannya beberapa hari . barulah engkau dapat menilai sifat dan watak seseorang secara tidak langsung"
indeed we have traveled together kan geng RT 1.0 ? to cambodia ! hehe . 

rinduuuuuu

the best usrah that i've ever had ialah usrah dgn korang . ustaz2 yg sgt osem , ustzh yg sporting giler n cg wani yg baik amaaatttttt . Wallahi aq sgt rindukan suasana tarbiyah bersama kalian . duduk dlm bulatan usrah kita bersama . bersama-sama melakukan refleksi diri . menambah ilmu aq yg jahil ini . makanan rohani yg sgt lazat terhidang bersama kalian . terkadang aq merasakan kekosongan jiwa sejurus selepas kita tiada lagi usrah bersama . terlalu besar nilainya ikatan ini . melakukan kerja dakwah di jalan Allah . membantu saudara se-agama di luar sana . aq rindukan semuanya . 

agihan bantuan kepada penduduk Kompong Som di Maahad Muhajirin , Kemboja

kembara ini menyedarkan aq tentang erti syukur atas nikmat yg diberi . sesungguhnya masih ramai umat di luar sana yg serba kekurangan dari segi kewangan dan sebagainya . semoga pahala berterusan diperoleh atas sumbangan yang diberikan .

trip to museum

with al-hafiz ustaz azli :) lupa nama tempat ni --"

ni lah rupa banner kami ^^

'hero-hero' (azri sorang xde)

merentasi Sungai Mekong wee~~


hmmmmm byk lagi kalau nk reminisce satu2 memori tu . let the pictures tell the stories . yg pastinya , aq rindu . 
organisasi yg mentarbiyah aq
btw , aq one of the 'badar only' yg org gelarkan tu :p

Suzuran Camp with Anis Fatini , anak ustz annas

excited grad . kau ado ? xp

anddddd the last one , gmbr suzuran grad . hopefully semua org berjaya grad first class dkt uni masing2 ! all the best for ur future gaisss !! salam sayang , xoxo :-*




Sunday, 19 January 2014

HOPE

i can't stop hoping 
hope to fly
i'm sick of crashing into pieces with the crashed hope
but this one hope
it's different

i can't stop hoping
i've been dreaming to fly since i was 10
it's almost 9 years
how can i let my dream turns to dust ?
never

i can't stop hoping
because my parents don't 
they keep saying that i'll fly
then how can i say i won't ?

i can't stop hoping
i've been visualised myself living in Aussie for a whole year in Ausmat
tell me how to get myself live calmly in Malaysia ?
without having any thought about Aussie 

i can't stop hoping
but i'm sick of that
will you help me ?
to achieve my hope and dream ?

Saturday, 18 January 2014

bicara soal hati , sampai bila ?

*bukak whatsapp*
 nmpk 'online'
*tutup whatsapp*

i still don't have the courage to start the conversation first . bcoz imma girl , malu menyelubungi diri .
 takut dikata perigi mencari timba .
 pada masa yang sama ingin memelihara iman di dada .
 namun aq hanya insan lemah , yg sentiasa lalai dan leka .
 hanyut dibuai perasaan setiap masa .
 ingin berbicara denganmu sentiasa .
 di saat kesedaran dalam diri muncul , insaf seketika .
 apabila disapa , kembali alpa .

why am i so weak to fight this feeling ?
why can't i restrict myself from getting too attached ?
when will i end this ?
and the biggest question is , when will i keep my heart clean n safe , away from sin ?

Allahu .. :'(

Monday, 6 January 2014

that fear-of-needle me -,-

arrived home at 6.30 p.m after working out for the unis n MARA stuffs . that night , my body was trembling . fever maybe . but i just ignored it . but the next morning , i can't even wake up from my bed . my joints hurt . i was freezing . sbb x blh bangun sgt , aq text kat ma "ma, nk kool fever" . then mom rushingly came into my room .
"pegi klinik jom" , said ma . 
"hmm , okay"

*masuk bilik doktor*

doktor: doktor inject awk boleh ?
me: *pandang ma dgn muka nak nangis* TAKNAAAKKKKK
ma: xpe , ma ade kat sini

*doktor inject*

muka aq mse tu xyah cakap ah , agak2 dh mcm kne pancung kepala je , nsib baik tak nangis -,-
then doktor cakap , "hish kamu ni umur dh 19 kan , dh besar . buat ape nk takut jarum lagi"

well , that soon-to-be-19 me will act like 9 years old girl when i have to be injected .